ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
