everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
