My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
