He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
