Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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