Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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