you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
