i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
All I want is dick and wine.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize