After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
