There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
