Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
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U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
