I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
