hotel room ftw
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
