watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
