What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize