I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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