I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
