I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
