I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
