I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize