So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
