Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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