My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
