before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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