Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
