the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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