i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
