Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize