New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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