love makes seman taste better
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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