My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
