my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
