No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
