Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
