Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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