There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize