this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
