ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
