I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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