apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
