So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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