i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
