i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
