his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just forgot I was standing up.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
