Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
