Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize