Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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