just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌ï¸
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
