I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
