I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
