i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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