Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
