So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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