i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
we're so committed to being not committed
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
