I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
