I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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