Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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