yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
