Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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