I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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