woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
