quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
