I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
