but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
