Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize