She is in my trunk
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
