He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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