It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
