marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
