btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
