A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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