Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
