Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
