The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
