everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
