I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
